Little Old Lady … in Waiting

Tag: reading

  • In Conversation with (Iwona) Maria Kubacki

    I first met Maria Kubacki when we were still teenagers.  She was a friend of my brother’s… think artsy, intellectual, an outsider, by choice or design. Recently arrived home to Saint John from a Toronto private school, she was the iconic, underground campus ‘it’ girl, a ‘Lit chick’- all cat’s eye eyeliner, black tights, and arthouse lipstick.  She was clever and cool, straight out of a Sally Rooney novel, this quixotic mix of edge and vulnerability that was foreign and familiar all at once.  Her style acumen was just the pretty wing man for her real talent, an unpretentious academic mind, a well-spoken confidence, and a reverence for the written word.

    Fast forward 40 years, Maria, a fellow little old lady in waiting (possibly in denial) forwarded her initial remarks with a disclaimer: “I’m a little embarrassed and intimidated by this. I don’t want people to think, ‘who does she think she is?’ I have no particular accomplishments. I’m just answering these questions as a fellow little old lady in waiting who is in the thick of middle age and thinking about how to make the most of the last third of life.” This same little old lady in waiting, earned a Master of Arts degree in English Literature and has worked as a book reviewer and freelance writer as well as an associate editor, and editor.  Currently she lives and works in Ottawa as a communications manager for the federal government. She took up writing fiction a few years ago and has published her short stories.  She is married to a lovely man named Ken and has two twenty-something children, Jane, and Mike. She sidesteps the 7-sentence limit of the first interview question so adeptly, using a series of semi-colons, dashes, and ellipses, that I had to allow it. Maria Kubacki is still very clever…and cool, maybe even more so as a little old lady…in waiting.

    Tell me your life story in seven sentences or less? 

    I was born in Warsaw, came to Canada when I was 4 ½, lived in Quebec City briefly and grew up in Bathurst in the 70s, where we were one of the few immigrant families, but it was pretty idyllic …double-dutch in the street with my friends, summers at Youghall Beach. I went to high school at a girls’ boarding school in Toronto where I was more focused on smoking, drinking and New Wave music and fashion than on my education, and where I started going by my middle name, Maria, instead of Iwona (my actual first name, pronounced Ee-vohn-ah and mangled by nearly everyone because of the “w”), or Yvonne (what everyone called me in Bathurst because it’s the French version of Iwona) – it was fairly common back then for immigrants to change their names to something easier for Canadians to pronounce, but it was weird and embarrassing to me to have all these names, and sometimes still is, as my parents, Polish family and friends still call me Iwona (or Iwcia, the diminutive, pronounced Eef-cha)…Bathurst friends and some cousins call me Yvonne, and everyone else calls me Maria.

    I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I loved reading – my parents were and still are big readers so we always had lots of books in the house, and also I learned English the summer I turned 9 from a British family from the Isle of Man who had all kinds of children’s classics all over their house, the Narnia series and that sort of thing – so I ended up getting a BA and then MA in English at UNB.

    I was quite lost in my twenties and dragged my MA on for many more years than I care to admit, but during that time I started doing freelance writing as a way to earn a bit of money and avoid my thesis – art reviews for a magazine called Arts Atlantic, and book reviews for the Telegraph Journal, which eventually led to a job as associate editor and then editor of the New Brunswick Reader, the Telegraph’s weekend magazine.

    I got married and had my two kids in Saint John before moving to Ottawa where we have lived for 22 years and where I wrote for the Ottawa Citizen and worked as a writer/editor at what was then Canwest News service (now Postmedia).

    For the last 16 years I have been working as a communications manager for the federal government and recently I started writing and publishing fiction, which I had never even thought about doing until I turned 50.

    What is the best thing about getting older?

    People always say things like not caring what others think anymore, or not sweating the small stuff. Sadly, I still sweat the small, medium, and large stuff – I sweat all of it. I haven’t yet reached the part of getting older where you’re relaxed and just flowing and enjoying life. I’m still in the thick of it – middle age, work, responsibilities. I think the “best thing about getting older” hasn’t come yet, or maybe I’m just doing it all wrong.

    What is the worst thing about getting older?

    Becoming set in your ways and more reluctant to try new things, acting and thinking like you are even older than you are. You’re drunk and high a lot more when you’re young, maybe that’s why you’re more open to new experiences then.  Children are like that naturally…they’ll be friends with anyone, they’ll try new things, and as we age, we tend to stick to what’s familiar, what we know we will like, people like us etc. Our world can get smaller and smaller.

    If you could retain or retrieve one quality from your youth, what would it be?

    Being open to life, people, and experiences.

    What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned so far?

    Children and dogs have it all figured out – be in the moment, and enjoy every little thing, every day. Our beloved golden doodle, Tippy, who we had to put down a few years ago, was still chasing rabbits, making new friends, and wagging her tail the night she died.

    Do you have a favourite quote?

    Does anyone actually have a favourite quote or do they just Google “famous quotes” when asked? I don’t have one off the top of my head, but whenever I see one from the Stoics, it resonates – like the Marcus Aurelius one at the top of your blog, which I love and need to meditate on every day, because I don’t think I am living my life this way now: “Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what’s left and live it properly.”  I have lived a pretty cautious, small life. My anxiety, a lifelong affliction, has always held me back in life, even when I was younger. I would like to become a more fearless or at least less fearful person. Do more, see more, travel more. One of the reasons that it’s fun to read and write is that we all only have one life to live, and we have to make choices, and for some of us fear holds us back, but through writing and reading we can vicariously live many lives. 

    Do you have a favourite word?

    ‘Actually‘ – with index finger held up, because I’m a bit of a know-it-all, as my family and friends will tell you. One anecdote: on a family trip to Florida we took a drive through a ritzy area in St. Petersburg where there were big mansions…so we’re driving around  and all having a nice time, and we drive by this house that has these ornate pillars and my sister-in-law says ‘oh look, there are statues of dolphins on them’ and I was trying to fight the reflex and telling myself, ‘don’t do it’  and then it just came out, ‘Actually, I think they’re manatees.’ Everyone just rolled their eyes at me but they actually were manatees! It’s become part of the family narrative. 

    Describe your perfect day.

    Any day when I’m on a beach anywhere, in almost any weather, or just somewhere near the ocean or near water. It could be Venice, or Seven Mile Beach in Grand Cayman, or Bar Harbor, Maine. Or Brackley Beach in PEI, Sandbanks Provincial Park, Saints Rest in Saint John.  I think it connects back to happy memories of growing up in the Maritimes, spending a lot of time at Youghall Beach in Bathurst every summer throughout childhood and my teen years, and then living in Saint John for many years going to places like Cape Spencer, the Irving Nature Park, St. Martin’s.  I guess to me water also feels very open to possibility.  I think I like imagining what’s on the other side of the ocean. I also love the feeling of being on the water, I love kayaking… it’s just very freeing. 

    If you could have tea with anyone, real or fictional, dead or alive, who would it be and what would you talk about?

    I know people often say Jane Austen, Shakespeare, or Churchill but I can read them, no need to have tea with them. I love Jane Austen, but I think she would be really catty and judgmental in real life – I would be afraid of her. Maybe hanging out with Churchill while he sat around in his pink satin undies and robe while drinking and trying to figure out how to defeat Hitler might have been cool. But I think what I would really like is to have tea with both my grandmothers, although separately. I would ask them about their lives in Poland. My mother’s mother had a farm outside Warsaw and raised 5 children during the Second World War. She was not educated but was very smart, wise, funny, kind, and resourceful. She was milking the cows at like 4 am, made all the kids’ clothes by hand…during the war, German soldiers took over their farm and the kids all had scarlet fever as well …and somehow, she managed to keep everyone alive. And found time to make beautiful hand-embroidered tablecloths.

    My father’s mother was very ahead of her time.  She went to medical school in the 1920s when there was a “numerus clausus” – a quota that only allowed 10 % of the students to be women, and she was smart and tough enough to be one of the 10%. She did a PhD and was a specialist in internal medicine. She also loved to travel and trying new foods and was sporty and adventurous – she would rent scooters for her, my dad and his brother and they would all go adventuring together.

    Tell me three things that bring you joy.

    My family and friends. Walking/hiking/kayaking. Travelling almost anywhere, whether it’s a day trip near Ottawa, a road trip to New York or New England, or Europe. I’m going to cheat and list way more things because many things bring me joy. Going to museums, big or small, almost anywhere. Cappuccinos and spritzes. Chocolate. Music. Going to movies at the Bytowne, our local rep cinema. Conversations about life with my kids, Jane, and Mike. Family dinners with the kids and my parents. Rewatching favourite movies and TV shows with my husband, Ken – Remains of the Day being the movie we rewatch most often, because it’s perfect in almost every way – from the writing and the acting to the period costumes and interiors and the incredibly sad but beautiful score.  Ken and I also like making up our own words to songs and making ourselves laugh. Sometimes we also meow songs – we don’t remember why we started doing that, but I think it was when our kids were little, but anyway it makes us laugh. It’s not possible to list just 3 things.

    Name a guilty pleasure.

    Taking a day off just for myself to do whatever I want. Or years ago, when my kids were little, Ken and I would sometimes take an afternoon off work to go to a movie just the two of us.

    Do you believe in life after death? What does it look like?

    I don’t really think about it. It’s probably just oblivion – we probably just get reabsorbed into whatever the universe is made of…ashes to ashes, dust to dust. But if there was some kind of life after death, it would be nice if it were an eternal sleep where we dream forever and get to be with everyone we loved and experience everything we ever wanted to but did not get to experience in life. In this eternal dreamworld I hope I get to fly, and look down over the earth, like Google Street view, but better.

    What would you like your eulogy to say?

    I guess my kids would be writing my eulogy. I hope they say I was a decent human being who taught them to be decent people. I think they might say that I gave unsolicited advice very freely, but I hope they feel that sometimes it was good advice. I hope they also remember our Amazing Race-style family trips where I made them see and do everything, even if we were exhausted and our feet were sore from walking 20,000 steps a day.

  • The Reading Room – Issue 2

    “If a book is well written I always find it too short.”

    Jane Austen

    A book review is a highly subjective exercise and so, in the interest of full disclosure, as a Little Old Lady in Waiting, I know you won’t be surprised when I tell you that I like little old lady subjects and settings. I like my people past their prime and living by the sea or someplace equally sublime. I like subtle, nuanced, tender narratives with a philosophical bent and characters who feel like friends I’d like to know. People who have lost important relationships and parts of themselves, and know its possible to keep on existing…people who understand that ghosts are real…people who have paid a price for their place in the story. Layer in fresh, visceral language that routinely makes you stop to reread or recalibrate your breathing and I’ll stay with you untill the very end, and when it’s over, I’ll take a little piece of you with me.

    The rating system I assign is roughly as follows:

    10/10 – The illusive unicorn. “Your heart understood mine”

    9/10 – I loved this book, it changed me in some way

    8/10 – Great read. I’m still thinking about it

    7/10 – A good read. I’d pass it to a friend

    6/10 – Adequate I suppose

    5/10 – Flawed in some subtle but no less dissapointing way

    4/10 – Major story flaw (cardboard characters, poor pace, sledghammer story-craft)

    3/10 – The author has failed the reader, the editor should be escorted from the building

    2/10 – No… just no

    1/10 – I will never get those hours back

    I have long admired the personal and professional life of Agatha Christie. I’m a fan. I’ll read anything about her work and career and so when I discovered The Christie Affair in a used book store it was a little like finding a thrift-store cashmere cardi in a colour that suits. The Christie Affair is Nina de Gramont’s first novel and takes as its subject the eleven days that Christie went missing and the marital discord that immediately proceeds it. In the novel, Chistie’s husband, Archie, is conducting an affair with a younger, Irish woman named Nan O’Dea who reads like Saoirse Ronan from the film Brooklyn , a clever compassionate character that carries the story in many ways, and has a compelling back story of her own. The book becomes a multi layered mystery to be solved, complete with a war weary police detective, a tragic love story, and a satisfying tale of revenge. I loved the characters, the post war UK setting and the glimpse into Christie’s private world. 7/10

    There was a lot of buzz about this book on social media and a sequel already in print, so I picked up a copy of this novella for a vacation read. It’s marketed as a transformation story of a young woman who drops out of her life and spends a year reading in the cramped upstairs quarters of a family run second-hand bookstore. A perfect story premise for a bookish woman of any age. Set in Tokyo, the heroine of the book is a love spurned 25 year old named Takako, a non-reader, immersed in a hip deep depression post a humiliating break up, when she accepts the invitation of her eccentric uncle to live and work at the Morisaki bookstore. This is Yagisawa’s debut novel and it did not deliver on any level. The characters are unsympathetic, the story line is non existent, even the theme, ostensibly the joy of reading as a transformative experience is poorly executed. The most generous thing I could write is that any merit or charm Yagisawa may have conjured in his original work is wholly lost in translation. 1/10

    Peggy is the fictionalized portrait of Peggy Guggenheim, American heiress, art collector and feminist icon who begins life as a New York debutant and becames embroiled in the bohemian Paris of the 1920s, dallying with the likes of James Joyce, Emma Goldman and Samual Beckett. Peggy, begun by Rebecca Godfrey who passed away in 2022, was finished by the author’s good friend, Leslie Jamison and in some ways the story does feel like two separate books. The heiress is portrayed as a poor little rich girl who suffers the loss of a beloved father who goes down with the Titanic, a dear sister who dies in childbirth, and a son lost via a dissolved marriage with an abusive, parasitic poet. She is snubbed by an anti-semetic society as a Jewess, and ridiculed in the boheniam art world as little more than “a wallet.’ Despite her millions she has the reader’s sympathy as an intelligent, philanthropic outsider with a keen understanding and appreciation of the post war modern art movement. This fictional biography is an interesting look into the elite world of early 20th Century New York aristocracy as well as post WWI Paris and the intellectuals who mingled there and became known as the lost generation. 6/10

    Depressed mid 40’s academic, Phoebe Stone, distraught after her husband leaves her for another woman, her career stalling, her geriatric cat found dead at home, decides to treat herself to an expensive evening gown and a posh holdiay at a decadent hotel, all with the intention of killing herself. A dark tale indeed, except Espach’s voice is so intelligent and noir comic that the reader tags along despite the downer of our heroine’s final destination. Enter the wedding people who descend on the hotel as the only other guests and, despite their annoying, narcissistic and waspish ways, they ineveitable disarm, distract, and detour our hero’s journey. The setting, Newport, Rhode Island, is a charming backdrop to Espach’s first novel, but the real winner is her smart heroine whose thoughts, suicidal and otherwise are always authentic and relatable and rife with literary references that appeal to readers who are fans of the Brontes and Virginia Woolff. A great book to pass to a friend with a Litt degree and an appetite for a dark night of the soul. 7/10

    Anne Lamott’s book, Help Thanks Wow is a call to prayer as well as a prayer tutorial for the uninitiated and the out of touch. It is a book about gratitude and finding perspective and it is an invitation to cultivate a state of wonderment. Lamott’s simple, comical and self deprecating style could charm even the most determinined non-believer. She keeps it simple, three one word prayers to recite, to hold fast through the tough times, and to stay mindful and intentional through the mundane everyday; to look for the good, and experience all the beauty that lies in wait for us if only we have the eyes to see it. I found Lamott’s style and non-denominational approach inviting and pragmatic. She didnt alienate her readers with old fashioned God talk, “asking an invisible old man to intervene.” She understands there are no words for the ‘broken hearts of people losing people’; there is no fixing the unfixable. But prayer as a spiritual experience, a one word incantation that helps you become more generous, more patient, more kind to yourself and others, there surely can be no harm in such a practice. I loved Lamott’s comical, tender, and real life prayer book, made for misfit souls of all ages. 7/10

    Julia Cameron, best known for her book , The Artist’s Way, delivers a comparable artistic toolbox for writers who work with story craft, routinely tackling the often intimidating blank page to create meaning and art. The Sound of Paper is essentially a workbook with a series of exercises and disciplines designed to open the creative narrative approach, so often stymied by a writers own critical voice, that values product over process and atacks fledgling writing projects before they’ve had a chance to mature. Cameron’s writing drills are designed to explore and develop your authentic voice, to place emphasis away from a perfect script, with a series of self care indulgences that cultivate a safe space for creative work, and structured play projects designed to reignite a love of writing. Daily rituals include walking, and morning pages, and being open to the idea of working poorly, breaking free of the ego’s need to be brilliant, and instead contenting ourselves to being functioning wordsmiths, with the freedom to embrace new forms. This is a perfect gift for any writer looking to learn or advance her craft. 8/10

    Emilia Hart’s Weyward, chronicles the lives of three Weyward witches, separated by generations but related by blood; the three principle characters include , Altha, on trial for witchcraft in the 16th Century, Violet, at the mercy of an opportunistic father and an unscrupulous suiter in the 1940s, and Kate, the victim of present day domestic violence. Their stories highlight a history of patriarchy and misogeny that targets powerful women and condemns or attempts to harness that power. I’ve always enjoyed a good witch story, ever since I watched Bell Book and Candle with Kim Novak and Jimmy Stewart. The Weyward witches are more like botanists with animal familiars, less broomsticks and incantations. The book is at its best drawing attention to the understated, undocumented power that exists between women, “the most feared…and the most potentially transforming force on the planet.” The story’s pace is a little slow moving in the first half, and the book reads a bit like three separate novellas with tie-ins too carelessly woven, and coming too near the book’s close. I have read better witcherature and while Hart’s story gets a passing grade, it didnt put a spell on me. 6/10

    I read this book several years ago but as it is always on my night stand and as I am continuously rereading passages, a review seems in order. I have recommended this book to many, many friends, particularly those who have experienced their first ‘shot across the bow’, a personal health scare, and have come face to face with their own mortality. If I still have the capacity to read and understand this book’s ancient teachings as I lay dying, this will be the last book I hold . I take great comfort in its thesis that what we are has no beginning and no end…what was never born may never truly die. I can hear the critique of my scientific rationalist friends prpeparing their remarks as I write, but the little old lady that waits in me, made peace with Pascal’s wager decades ago.

    I Am That was first published in 1973 and is a collection of teachings from the great Hindu spirtitual teacher and seer, Nisargadatta Maharaj. This book takes its title from the Upanishads and delves into who we reallly are, “nothing perceivable, or imaginable,” and is a guidebook to cultivate an awareness of our natural state. Topics include acceptance, the way through pain, a ‘do no harm’ discipline and is a call to “wake up” from the daydream that enchants us. Reading this book is like donning a cloak of grace or a cape that insulates us from fear of death. I cannot recommend it highly enough, particularly for readers who have received a disappointing diagnosis and believe their time is finite. 9/10

  • In Conversation with Dr. Margaret Anne Smith

    I sat down with Margaret Anne Smith at a local coffee house with a reputation for good lattes and a spectrum of social justice projects that support many marginalized members of our community.  It seemed a fitting setting for a conversation with a woman who is, among other things, an advocate for the disenfranchised, sitting on the board of a harm reduction enterprise that supports people living with addiction.  Margaret Anne Smith holds a PhD in English Literature, specializing in 20th Century poetry, and has taught her entire career in the post-secondary setting.  She is an academic, a teacher, a poet, and a fiber artist.  She is married, a mother of two, and has the sort of old-world integrity and essential goodness that makes you believe that we are not without hope, no matter what unbelievable chicanery we witness daily on the evening news.  As I listened to her speak, I couldn’t help thinking of the power of a single individual to effect great change in the world around her, especially one armed with a sharp analytical mind trained to notice what others do not see, and gifted with a clear, insightful voice to ask the right questions.  She is currently at work on a book of poetry that celebrates local coastal beauty and lure.  It is a collection I very much look forward to reading someday.

    Tell me your life story in seven sentences or less? 

    I grew up in Saint John and…same sentence… moved back here on purpose, after spending a dozen years away.  I love my extended family and friends. I have been married to David for 36 very good years. We have two great kids. I live near the Bay of Fundy. I am a teacher. I am a reader and a writer.

    What is the best thing about getting older?

    Learning…I was going to say discovering, but it’s not like a momentary discovery, there is no switch that flips, there’s no ‘aha moment’… it’s a gradual process of learning what I care about. And the other side of it, is learning what I don’t give a fuck about, and that list has changed with time.

    What is the worst thing about getting older?

    Joint pain and not being able to see as well as I want to in my 50s. That’s the part that surprised me, the pain came so much earlier than I anticipated.  I’m on the cataract waiting list which depresses me, but I look forward to losing the heavy progressive lenses.

    If you could retain or retrieve one quality from your youth, what would it be?

    My knees and my feet to be honest.  It’s not my optimism…it’s not my hope, it’s not my energy level I’m worried about losing …it’s my joints. I had envisioned at this age, those walking trips in Europe, but there’s no chance.  I couldn’t physically do it… it’s my knees. I want to be able to hike for ten kilometers and I just can’t.

    What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned so far?

    I think it’s probably learning the difference between spending your energy on things you cannot change and spending your energy on things you can.  And that exists on several levels   So there are things that maybe I cannot change about myself,… my feet hurt, I can’t take a walking trip across Ireland. Ok…goodbye to that idea, and now what can I do instead? Because I think spending your energy on things you can’t change makes you bitter, and we don’t want to be bitter little old ladies in waiting… because it would be easy, wouldn’t it?

    So that’s personal, so now let’s take it to the next level to the people in my circle.  There are certain things I can’t change, and you can invest in those relationships but there are some things you just absolutely cannot change.  I like Glennon Doyle’s Podcast?  It’s called “We Can Do Hard Things”.  It’s American and its funny as hell, and they interview  a lot of interesting people and one of the great episodes is about  how to fortify yourself for the holiday season in terms of dealing with your family and expectations.  A great piece of advice he gives is ‘Be not surprised’ because you know Uncle Bob is going to go down the same road he took last year, so don’t be outraged and horrified by it, just adopt an attitude of ‘yeah, whatever, I still love you,’ when people behave in ways they have always behaved, ‘be not surprised.’

    Jewel has a song I really like from 1998, I’m dating myself here, it’s called Life Uncommon. She says ‘no longer lend your strength to that which you wish to be free from.”  It’s about using your voice and that  speaks to me now…where do you use your energy… where do you use your voice.

    The other part of that question is what you do about the global piece and that is much more difficult right now.  I try to be selective and pick the bite-sized things that I can do.  I joined the Board of Avenue B that operates on a harm reduction model.  I have no lived experience with addiction myself, or in my circle, but I thought I can be on the board.  I’m good at policy and procedure…and I try to make choices with some integrity. I don’t live in a tent, I’m not a drug user, but l am devastated by the inhumanity that’s everywhere in our cities and small towns now and how people are being treated so badly and left out.  We talked about water fountains at the meeting last night.  If you were thirsty and unhoused…where do you go?   

    Do you have a favourite quote?

    Yes, it’s a quote by Vaclav Havel.  I like it because he distinguishes between hope and optimism. It’s a quote from his time in prison.  His language is beautiful of course, but for me the beauty is that he isn’t saying, it will all be fine…because so often it is not fine. He takes hope from being a big cartoony rainbow thing and makes it real.

    “The kind of hope I often think about (especially in situations that are particularly hopeless, such as prison) I understand above all as a state of mind, not a state of the world. Either we have hope within us, or we don’t; it is a dimension of the soul; it’s not essentially dependent on some observation of the world or estimate of the situation. Hope is not prognostication. It is an orientation of the spirit, an orientation of the heart; it transcends the world that is immediately experienced, and is anchored somewhere beyond its horizons.

    Hope, in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously headed for early success, but, rather, an ability to work for something because it is good, not just because it stands a chance to succeed. The more unpropitious the situation in which we demonstrate hope, the deeper that hope is. Hope is not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. In short, I think that the deepest and most important form of hope, the only one that can keep us above water and urge us to good works, and the only true source of the breathtaking dimension of the human spirit and its efforts, is something we get, as it were, from “elsewhere.” It is also this hope, above all, which gives us the strength to live and continually to try new things, even in conditions that seem as hopeless as ours do, here and now.”

    Do you have a favourite word?

    Sea…as in the ocean. The word sea represents all kinds of things metaphorically but for me it is both a personal, and local place of refuge…it always has been …since I was old enough to ride my bike off the cliff, which I did by the way…I was a free-range kid in West Saint john.  I might edit that out for my mother.

    There is something timeless about the sea… I love the rhythm, I love the sound.  It’s also a metaphor for connection, wrapping around the globe, and it’s a measuring stick for what we are doing to the planet which is a big concern for me.  I think because we can see the trees being cut down and we can see the trees on fire on tv, it’s a little harder to ignore, but we could go to Bayshore this morning and think all is well…and it’s not.  We need to pay a bit more attention… we need to pay a lot more attention. 

    Describe your perfect day.

    Sunshine. Great coffee. The ocean.  My husband and my kids and their partners and nothing planned. 

    If you could have tea with anyone, real or fictional, dead, or alive, who would it be and what would you talk about?

    Given the state of the world, I want to sit down with Greta Thunberg.  Three reasons.  She is young and we need to listen to the younger voices, about everything. I mean look at where the power is…still in the hands of old rich white guys and that has to change.  Secondly, she is willing to make incredible sacrifices for the future. I’m interested in asking her, why, what do you see, what do you envision, what are you giving up and what are you giving it up for?  Three would be the climate crisis, it’s going to cook us and were pretending it’s not.  I want to talk about that.

    Tell me three things that bring you joy.

    Real conversations.  Real, not honest, because even honest conversations have a few lies in them.

    David, Kevin, and Maureen …from the beginning all the way to this morning.  So much joy in that little family of mine.

    Time outdoors.  Some of it goes back to the free-range childhood.  Total freedom.  It might have been an illusion, or it might have been quite real, that no one was paying any attention to us kids.   We were free, and time outdoors reminds me of my freedom.  Also, as an artist I appreciate the changing light and the shadows cast by the sun and the changing colours of the season.  My shoulders lower when I step out the door.

    Name a guilty pleasure.

    Ice cream. Too much fat, too much sugar but it hasn’t made me give it up.  It’s a favourite treat.

    Do you believe in life after death? What does it look like?

    I do believe in life after death, but I don’t know what it looks like.  And I don’t even have an assumed visual. I think when I was young, I did have an idea that was based on a religious tradition…heavenly gates…clouds. So now I think there is so much beauty and goodness, despite the horrors, and I don’t think those things can just come to an end.  There has to be something else.  My sense of what that is has changed, because I think there is something else for the right whale as well, and for the pigeon on the roof… that we’re all part of this interconnectedness that we can’t really, fully appreciate now and maybe our great joy in the afterlife is coming to understand what that interconnectedness means.   

    What would you like your eulogy to say?

    I boiled it down to two things. First, I want my children to write it, and I trust them. Second, and how’s this for a mothers’ control, I hope they would say that they saw that I remained engaged until the end of my days.  I don’t like the word engaged… maybe passionate, passionate is better, engaged is so psycho-ed, or maybe that I cared, but that’s too Hallmark.  Passionate works, and passionate about what doesn’t really matter…maybe when I’m 80 I’ll be passionate about my pansy collection.

  • The Reading Room

    ‘The best moments in reading are when you come across something – a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things – which you had thought special and particular to you. Now here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out and taken yours.’ – Alan Bennett

    




    

    ‘The first thing that reading teaches us is how to be alone.’     – Jonathon Franzen
    

    




    Author’s Note
    




    I have an insatiable appetite for story.  Books – their bindings, the cover art, their texture, and deckled edge… even their smell and, most especially, the marks and notes left by other readers – everything about them appeals to me.  I maintain a small library at home, I get uneasy when my TBR pile runs low, and have even planned trips around famous bookstores and libraries.  I felt teary the first time I entered the iconic Strand Books in NYC; I needed a moment to myself in the reading room of the Boston Public Library, and I could probably write a short story about my visit to The Bodleian in Oxford or Shakespeare and Company Bookstore in Paris. There is a small town in Wales, Hay-on Why, known as the ‘town of books’ due to its many bookstores, and I hope to visit it next summer with an oversized empty suitcase to celebrate my 60th birthday. 
    




    Perhaps my love of reading stems from a lonely adolescence, or maybe it has more to do with what I consider to be my best and worst quality…curiosity;  but I’m never happier than when I’m settling into someone else’s narrative.  For me, every book I open feels like a clue to the secret of ‘Life, the Universe, and Everything.’  Books find their way to me or I to them, often by happenstance, and seemingly at the exact time I am most ready to receive them. Others sit in small dusty piles in every conceivable corner of my home, waiting for the right moment to renew our acquaintance. I plan to spend an unhealthy percentage of the life hours I have left, turning pages, devouring stories and exploring answers to questions that greater minds than mine have plumbed. To that end I present to you The Reading Room, a new blog series showcasing a smattering of books, earnestly read, and scantily reviewed by a  Little Old Lady in waiting.
    




    




    




    All The Colours of the Dark is marketed as a thriller, a prosaic airport page-turner, but it did not hold me in suspense.  Set in the 1970’s, it’s the story of a traumatic childhood event and a lifelong hunt for a serial killer.  Although the book disappoints as a would-be whodunit, it is far more interesting as a study of the enduring bonds of childhood friendship, and the dialectic between good and evil inside each one of us, setting the reader up for an interesting examination of what exactly goes into the making of a hero/villain.  The book meanders down paths it need not have taken and does not satisfactorily resolve, but it includes characters that I will remember long after the close of the story including a career alcoholic and art dealer who had me hanging on his every word.  For him alone I give Whitaker – 7/10
    




    




    




    Easily one of the most enjoyable reads for me so far this year, Strout is a favourite author, and her story, set in a small town in Maine, is peopled with well-developed characters from previous books including Olive Kitteridge, Lucy Barton and Bob Burgess. Ostensibly the plot revolves around a murder investigation, but the book is really about the ordinary everyday events that make up a life and the stories we tell each other in quiet asides, on walks or with cups of tea in conversation with the company of people we call our own.  Strout can tell me everything and anything she chooses.  Her novels are packed with the kind of true to life details that strike at the heart of all good narrative and readers can’t help but pull up close to her stories and sit a spell. – 9/10
    




    




    




    My daughter passed me this book and while it is not my preferred genre the buzz on my socials piqued my curiosity. In summary, the book is a highly accessible, basic retelling of some ancient wisdom remarketed for the modern-day attention span. A reworking of Stoicism 101 or the Buddhist practice of detachment, the book’s easily digestible maxims, ‘Let them’ and ‘let me’ stuck with me and made their way into my everyday life, at work, and at home with my adult children.  Every time my inner control freak was tempted to interfere in matters outside my sphere of influence, I recited her magic words and presto my life became a lot let stressful. ‘Let Them’ gives you permission to stop trying to steer anyone else’s course but your own…marvellously freeing.
    




    Robins also plies her tools to romantic relationships and reading those chapters I couldn’t help but wish I’d had access to this wisdom in my early to mid-twenties before I learned how to believe people when their actions showed me who they were. Acceptance of what ‘is’ is a liberating experience, and Robbin’s book is a powerful tool for reclaiming your own power, directing your energy to the only thing any of us can control, our own words and actions. – 7/10
    




    




    




    Small Things Like These is the first book I have read by Claire Keegan, but it will not be my last.   The slender novella has been made into a film starring my current cinematic crush, Cillian Murphy.  Set in 1980s Ireland, Keegan looks at her country’s relatively recent history of housing unwed mothers in laundry workhouses, run by the Catholic Church, where young women were physically and emotionally abused and forced to live in squalor. The protagonist, Bill Furlong (Cillian), is a compassionate and virtuous man who must decide between doing the right thing and risking almost certain formidable consequences for his family. The story line is compelling, but the party piece of the book is Keegans’ evocative, lyrical language that grounds the reader in a kind of cultural cellar transporting us to a dark, cold, shameful place where ‘so many things had a way of looking finer, when they were not so close’  –  9/10
    




    




    




    Helen Humphries is another favourite writer.  She could probably write about the head of a pencil and make it compelling for me. So, when I pick up one of her books and read that it’s about dogs and writing, it’s kind of a perfect day in the making.  The book chronicles the first several months of life with a new puppy as experienced by Humphries,  herself a little old lady in waiting, and the story chapters are configured around the writing process with a few nods to other famous writers and their canine companions.   Somehow the story falls short and, for me, I’m pretty sure it has more to do with the author’s nonfiction competence as compared with her narrative voice which never fails to hit the high notes.  I was a little bored inside her dog-eared story.  – 6/10
    




    




    




    Bletchley code breakers, Prince Philip as a young lover – The Rose Code is set in WWII Britain in a time when women were liberated from their homes and allowed to be active members of society, and  brilliant women were needed for the war effort.  The whole book was like a large piece of decadent cake with a nice cup of tea.  Throw in an asylum, a betrayal, and a story told in reverse and Quinn delivers another delicious read where smart girls showcase their grit, and live happily ever after, even without their prince.  A lovely few hours leisure – 7/10
    




    




    




    This title is the first in a series of 4 books that chronicles a lifelong friendship between two brilliant women who grow up in Naples between the wars in an Italian ghetto where access to education is a rare privilege that only one of them is afforded.  Their lives cross back and forth across socio-economic lines and class distinctions in a gripping tale of survival and emancipation as each woman finds her strength and eventual escape from a world they have each outgrown.  The book begins and ends in mystery.  The story is atmospheric and dynamic and beautifully written with a special focus on the hard-won independence of Italian women in the 60’s and 70’s.  I don’t know which of the two friends I admired most in Ferrante’s story, but I highly recommend the books to anyone who understands the joy of forgetting you are reading, so fully immersed in the lives of the characters that you are virtually transported to their world. – 9/10
    




    




    




    This book is a sequel or companion book, to Burkeman’s previous bestseller, Four Thousand Weeks.  Both books, I strongly suggest, are worth your finite time.  Comparable to The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Burkeman, previously a popular Guardian columnist, reads a bit more existential and cerebral and aims less for efficiency and more for enchantment.  His book helped me enormously in coming to terms with the fact that life is unfolding right now…not later when I’m more prepared or when I’ve completed X,Y and Z on my must do list.  Immersing yourself in Meditations for Mortals is a bit like going on retreat. It’s a reawakening, and a memento mori that none of us are getting out of here alive, especially we little old ladies in waiting whose book might more aptly be titled, One Thousand Weeks.  Thumbs way up on this one – 9/10
    




    




    Note bene 
    




    If you have any book suggestions please leave a comment. I would be thrilled to know what you are reading 📚.